Well hi. I know its been a long time. I have excuses. I was in the hospital for a month with pneumonia. Things came up. But really I got lazy. I apologize. I can only hope to make it up to you in the future.
So I am assuming you graciously accepted my humble apology. I haven't heard anything about new artwork at all, so my right arm, it seems, will go bear... single tear.
So now we catch up. When last I was here I was doing good, had aches and pains, but overall was in the positive. That has changed. I have cancer again. It's worse than it was before. I'm going into surgery again. I'm told the only way I'll live is if I do this operation.
Now that may be a no-brainer for most. For me however this is going to be horrible. Since the cancer has decided to attach itself to my jaw bone, that needs to go. At least the section that its attached to. I'm told this is a large portion. In addition to that the half a tongue that was saved, that's gonna be gone. And for kicks my bottom row of teeth are also going the way of the dodo.
Now all that is fine and dandy (well it's not, but I think I could live with that) but the worst part of that is the whole drool control will probably be gone. So not only will I look like a B-movie monster, I'll be leaving a trail of drool around. Well until the radiation burns out my saliva producing glands.
Any-who the new operation takes place (drum roll please) on February 9th. This is entirely to soon for comfort. Not that I'm in comfort, what with the exotic pains from the cancer (this morning I woulda sworn that fire ants had built a nest in my tongue.
So goodbye for now. I'll try to get back on the writing band wagon again. And this time I won't leave you behind once I do the operation. And not just because type will be the only way of communication until I learn sign language.
My God, Noah. This is really horrible. Knowing the choices you face, I honor you for facing a brutal surgery that affords you a chance for a longer future. I do not know if you are taking those mushroom pills. If not, I deeply hope you will. Maitake, Turkey Tail, Reishi, and others included in those pills have been known for millenia to have real power in fighting cancer, traditional knowledge that is now backed up with Western research. As for how you will look after the surgery, you will not look like a monster. You will look like a brave man who has chosen life, seeing that a life with a handicap is still something to cherish. I've been lucky enough to learn from the great teacher, storyteller, mythologist, and singer Daniel Deardorf. Daniel had horrible polio as a child (one of the last children to suffer the disease, moments before the vaccine virtually wiped it out), and has lived, ever since, severely stunted, paralyzed, and literally twisted and contorted in his motorized wheelchair. His road has been one of immense suffering. And he is a beacon of light and wisdom. He has learned and reminded us that great suffering opens us to profound empathy and insight. Shamans, poets, great philosophers, composers, etc. have, so often, been crippled, blind, deaf, hunchbacked, and so on. This is no coincidence. Being chosen to suffer in extraordinary ways, if we are to conceive of such a thing as being in any way the choice of a greater power, is also being chosen to take on a role of infinite profundity. We owe most of our human wisdom and beauty to those who have suffered. We owe most of our waste to the proud and beautiful. You're on an unbelievably hard road, Noah. I cannot fathom it. For what very little it is worth, you are on my mind and in my heart every day. I appreciate your fight.
ReplyDeleteDavid
Hey Noah-
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't have anything as profound or beautiful to say as my brother (see previous post), I did want to tell you two things:
1) I did, in fact, promise you on Facebook that I am drawing you a picture for your tattoo project, and I hope to have it done by Feb 4th, because....
2) I am coming out west to see you the weekend of Feb. 4-6, before your surgery.
Let me know if there's anything I can bring you from NY. See ya soon!
Love,
Lisa