This is the end, my lonely friends.

Well everyone I don't know how to start this. I didn't know how to start the blog either. A blog I figured maybe ten people would follow out of boredom or pity. But unless a whole lot of you are board I have succeeded with this blog past what I could have even imagined. I've got so many emails, and I have tried to keep up with them. Sorry if you didn't get a reply, it was an error and an oversight; there was no malice intent there.

For those that care, I broke bread with my brother from another mother that had turned from me (my nasty friend), due to my dying. We made good from the bad, and I wish him well, and does I. Even though he is still unready to accept my all too soon death. Also with all the death going on in the world it seems so narcissistic for me to rant, "ow my jaw" or "boo hoo I am having trouble walking down the stairs." I truly feel for Japan and Syria and all those places back the way to Haiti. Also remember that all it takes is a beer a stranger and a car and you could be gone. Life is fragile.

Also working out kinks new site. New stories will, hopefully be up soon. I certainly hope that it works out. And I'm sure the email will overflow with the number or stories following my memorial and that will take my help days to put up and or they may just quite.

Also I want to thank all those artists out there. I cant do the tattoo now, but I have above my bed all sorts of images and art. Each piece is full of heart and love. If you wanted to make something but couldn't that is fine and I thank you. If your piece is in the mail than awesome. But we can say that once I see it I'll be in love with it also. And if you had no intention of making me art, thats fine.

So I thought for the last post I would not force you to read more of depressing mixture of words that seem to be fit into a structure that looks like American style English. No in fact I think I force you to read advice of mine. And just for your sake, I've pulled advice from others too. I will to try to give credit where credit is due. It isn't the longest list, but it isn't the shortest list ever.

Safety First. Even when doing wrong; safety first.
--This is the first rule that I memorized. I have tried to follow it from age 4 or 5 to today. It was taught by my loving and beloved uncle.

Don't waste time infront of the TV or Playing games (or even reading books)
--You have a life. I may not. What you should do, and what I should have done more, is go and have an experience. Good experience, bad experience just know that you are alive. And I wish I didn't spend so much time with all that. That being said you can still play games or watch your favorite shows, just don't in place of socializing.

Live each day as if it were your last.
--Not literally. Since I learned I was terminal I became completely honest and open. It just happened. And I was honest with myself and my emotions. And I stopped my little gossip that I played in. All this helped people really know me and get close to me.

Don't hold Grudges.
--I would hold hate in my heart so long the original reason was long dead and forgotten. Very rarely did I execute a revenge. It never made me happy, and ruined friendships. Forgiveness, true forgiveness in your heart is golden though. But even if you can't or won't forgive don't hold anger or hate. I'm told if you do it can lead to some awesome Sith powers though.

Wind chimes are not an accurate method for measuring time.
--Fairly obvious but good to know.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a rather persistent one.
--Albert Einstien

Good judgment comes from experience. And where does experiance come from? Experience comes from Bad judgment.
--Mark Twain

Its a lot like slamming your dick in a drawer. Interesting in concept, but ultimately just painful and not worth the effort.
--Angelo (about just about every time you have to deal with Government)

Always do right. This will gratify some and astonish all the rest.
--Mark Twain

Too er is human
--Every person makes mistakes. Some are prone to do them. Just be kind when when accidents happen. Especially when you are angry due to a mistake.

There is no such thing as a small act of kindness.
--The smallest kindness on your part could make someone day. I found just being around someone smiling often made me feel better.

If your falling off a cliff you may as well try to fly. You've got nothing left to lose.
--Not mine, but don't know where I got it.

Well I guess this is my grand farewell. As always feel free to email me. I may or may not respond depending on many factors, the biggest of which is weather or not my heart is beating. I wish all my readers positive things for the rest of their days. I know that this blog has entertained and helped has made nearing the end of my life so much fuller and I am glad I saw the project to the end. Mispellings and grammer mistakes and all. The emotional benefit knowing what I share makes a difference has helped me. I find sharing emotions rather hard. So this whole blogitty thing was started with 2 strikes against it. Share stories at the other sight. Share feelings with your friends. Help people when you can and they need a hand for support. Stop rambling, Noah. The truth is I really don't want this end. Goodbye cyperspace, I'll see you again on Social networking sites. I hold love for all who hold it for me (and some who don't).

Fin

All good things...

I am not going to be here much longer. That being said the blog is also teetering at the edge of being done. Thinking and typing at the same time may just get too difficult. Or I may get too sleepy for writing. Any who this blog is on its last legs.

But I don't want to let everyone down. I can't take away your Noah fixes. Of course this blog will be up, but I imagine it will get boring after reading 10 or 20 times. Just a guess. So I started a new blog. There are also people who will run it after I'm gone (hopefully, I'll have no way of knowing if they stop). And this new blog is written by all of you.

The new blog is called The Parade of our Mutual Life. It is about how everyone affects everyone. All you have to do is send a story to a specific email account I set up. The story's should feature me in some facet. It could revolve around me, or it could be you read my blog and were thinking about and something happened. Make sure you put your name on it, no anonymous stories will be accepted. And also no editors, so use your spell check. Also english would be nice, but other languages will be accepted.

So the web address for that www.rememberingnoah.blogspot.com
When you write a story send it to fadingwildcard@yahoo.com
Just remember that for stories its yahoo, and that will go on when I can't. If you want to reach me its gmail. That won't be going on after I am gone. If you have any questions or confusion, email it to either account an I'll try to clear it up.

So I guess that is it. I hope I've given you enough information. If I didn't just email questions as always (or ask in the comments). I'm excited about the new blog and I hope you are two. Also, send in some stories or it all is for not.

Hi, again

Hey everybody. Yet again I apologize for not writing. I'm sure you are tired of my excuses. It really is not my fault this time. No one can say I was lazy this last week. Its all your fault. So many people I've seen this week. People have been here every day practically from wake up to go to bed. People who've scheduled time with me. And many who haven't. And I've loved it while ruing it. I really got over extended. But with just about everyone I felt like I had a great connection. And almost everyone I've had a great goodbye, as well as some non-goodbyes, simply well wishes. So I wanted to write on Wednesday and Friday, two different days. I now have a chance Sunday. Thank god for small favors.

So emotionally it has been a great week. Physically and mentally each day has been worse and worse. Pain has been well managed and I very glad about that. But things people don't think can be rather difficult. Sitting to standing takes a while. Standing to sitting or laying down, somewhat of a challenge. And my brain I am fairly sure has become the consistency of rice pudding. While my spelling and grammar have always been, ah lets say... uniquely my own, that has deteriorated notably. And I have developed odd tics with my writing. Often I'll double up a word and not notice it. So if I do that here please forgive me.

Today I have reached a conclusion. I take a certain drug to "wake up" and stay awake for a while. It works well. Even I think I'm better than I am when I take it. But today I did a self inventory and I don't believe I'm long for this world. Sorry to be so blunt but this could be my last blog. But I don't know for sure. And a little new harsh reality for you, and me. I have, in the last few days become scared. Not of dying, I am at peace with being dead at a tender age and all that. I have become afraid of the processes of dying. How long it will take, weather my my pain meds will help. If its in the middle of the night and everyone is asleep will I die alone? And my biggest worry, something I shouldn't worry about at all is what if something goes wrong. I mean really, what can go wrong while dying. Isn't that just called living. It is just a thought that occasionally swims through the pudding of my brain.

But I've got to tell you it has been an awesome time from leaving the hospital to this point here. Lots of great times seeing people I never thought I would see again, and just being honest and pure with everyone. And having fun times and lazy Sundays. I've gotten to do some stuff that I've never done, seen sights I've never seen, and drove through a dairy (really). So I want to thank you for all that you've done, every email, snail mail, visit or anything. Its all been awesome. Well this isn't the final post for sure, I've got some more information to share for sure. So this will be closely followed.

Short Notice is Better than no notice.

Hey everybody. Once again I feel some much love and compassion by all the visits that I've had. And they have been abundant. But somewhere along the way I realized I've been lying to everyone, you, my parents, and even myself. It came as a shock.

See I have told everyone that mentally and spiritually I am at peace with dying. And I truly thought that I was. Until several days ago I was with an old friend who I hung out with just about every day in high school then maybe two to four times in the decade since I left high school. And he was sitting next to me on the couch reading my badly worded quick type. I typed something to lighten up the mood and we both chuckled, and I was struck with a thought from the depths of my mind, this may be the last time I ever see this guy. I always wanted to reconnect with him but it didn't happen even though we still get along great. But yeah, I'm dying, but without the same certainty that I ready for it.

But I am getting to a state of peace again. And that's what this blog is about. I am getting worse for wear. Can not handle as much as I could once upon a time (like when I got home from the hospital). Physically I get weaker by the day. I need more sleep each day even with the drugs I'm taking to wake up and be alert. And the everloving pain in my mouth is always there in some degrees. Its being handled well though, when I remember on time to take this or that.

But this has been a learning and growing experience.When I can concentrate on a thought, I feel much more... evolved. I've been and adult legally since 18 and really at 21. I felt like an adult around 25 I guess. People (family) noticed and vocalized on the man I've become half way through 27. Good reviews mostly, but felt behind since I was back in school. Now here I am, at 28 and a half: and I like me. I think this is the first time I really mean it. For weeks I have enjoyed the person I am. I think I've grown to be a good man. Too much of a people pleaser sometimes, but overall a genuine honest person.

So next random tangent, but important information for would be visitors, I am not seeing people after Saturday the 12th. There my be some exceptions, like docs and nurses, or if someone has big reason why they need to see me. But I just don not see having the energy to see people. I am sorry but foresee energy just going down the tubes in a major way. It is all part of the process of dying according to the literature I have read.

So if you want to contact you should be able to reach me. Days are filling fast. You can reach me at the same email; fadingwildcard@gmail.com. I'm on facebook, but not twitter. Or you can text me or call the house. But yeah. I hope to see everyone who wants to see me, in less intense numbers than before. Just like always thanks for reading. And if energy stays constant or doesn't drop as far as I think it will I may just reopen the following week. But don't count on it. Plus the nurse says it should be a 2 people at a time, max.