Bravery, as I understand it, is not a lack of fear. Fear is good. It’s one of the reasons our species has been kept around. Everyone is afraid of something. Many somethings in fact, in varying degrees. Bravery is standing up to a fear despite the fact that you’re afraid.
As I believe I said before I’m not especially afraid of death. And while I don’t necessarily like it, I’m not afraid of pain. So to say I’m courageous is somewhat incorrect. I didn't see something I was afraid of and then stand up to it. I was in pain (and supposedly dying) and was told this was the only way to get out of pain (and not die as quickly). This was neither brave nor cowardice. It was simply an act of self preservation. And a way for me to have a better quality of life (by no longer being pain).
Some have also called me a hero. This term makes me somewhat uneasy. Once again I did nothing to deserve the title. A hero is someone who puts themselves at some risk (not necessarily physical) to help someone else, or others. I wish I deserved the tittle of hero. No part of what I've done makes me heroic, as much as I'd want to believe otherwise.
Some have also called me a hero. This term makes me somewhat uneasy. Once again I did nothing to deserve the title. A hero is someone who puts themselves at some risk (not necessarily physical) to help someone else, or others. I wish I deserved the tittle of hero. No part of what I've done makes me heroic, as much as I'd want to believe otherwise.
Noah, you are right, though of course, as you note, people mean well in using these terms. But you are something better than heroic. You are honest and wise. And come to think of it, I think you're brave, too. As I understand it, we humans rarely seek out situations that demand bravery (and when we do seek them out, it's usually to show off, which is not real bravery). These situations tend to appear uninvited and quite unwanted. It is all too easy to simply withdraw, to give up, to get mired in self-pity, etc, all of which is quite understandable, and I don't think anyone would think less of you or anyone else in a similar boat if they responded in some such way. However, your response has been quite different. It has been positive while being honest. You have reached out to friends and family and strengthened your relationships. You've kept your sense of humor. That's brave. And I'm guessing it's not some kind of decision you made. It's who you are.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing. It's good to hear you. And you're a very good writer.
David
Hi Noah!
ReplyDeleteNo one can judge, no one can suggest, no one can tell you what to say, to do or how to behave.
You are simply great: for what you are, for what you write, for the way you think.