How I learned about the cancer and Feeding Tube Day

I almost cried when I heard I had cancer. It was over the phone. My E.N.T. (Ears Nose and Throat) doctor was in the Philippines doing humanitarian aid. Well call him Dr G. Right before he left (literally the morning of the day he was leaving) he had taken a giant piece of a large painful growth on the bottom of my tongue (we will call it “Jabba the Growth). A week later my growth was so painful I couldn’t even speak. And the day before the Jabba was bleeding rather heavily. So that morning I called the E.N.T. office (well my parents called the office as I was unable to speak). Since the bleeding stopped but the pain was so intense the Dr Covering for my Dr. said she’d write another prescription for Percocet.

So my dad drove me to class, and he was going to pick me up after class so I could get more Percocet. Anyway class had been going for about 10 minutes when my phone vibrated. I slipped it out of my pocket and saw that it was a number from my insurance provider. So I stepped out of class and answered the call. It was the Doctor that was covering for Dr. G. We can call her Dr. Y.

After a slight discussion on if I could talk to her or not I could talk to her (I tried my hardest). She said that she called the lab that was handling my sample (insert inappropriate joke here) and that I had cancer. For the next 10 min she was talking about what “we” had to do and the fact she told me like this so she needed my permission to get started on scheduling tests. During this whole conversation I was trying to hold back my tears. After all I had to go back to class. I almost called my dad to have him pick me up right then and there. But I had missed a lot of English classes, so I decided to go through the rest of the class. In retrospect that was a mistake. But why do I bring this story up today?

Too show how macho and manly I am? Of course not. Because I’m going to talk about how I am detached from my emotions and need to fix that before I can physically be healed? That’ll probably be a much, much later blog. The reason is to show the importance of last week, when I was called and told I would need to get a feeding tube, I bawled. I am so against the feeding tube it’s the one thing that really caused me to really cry. Not just get emotional and tear up. I’m not going into why I’m against that right now, I’ll try and write about that later tonight. However today is the day that I’m getting  that feeding tube inserted.